Quote

When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Name
Bosom
Shall
Bosoms
Names
Smiled
Left
Thousands
Mastectomy
Thought
Dinner
Slapped
Problem
Needed
Dinners
Always
Longer
Tag
Would
Told
Attended

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
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I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.
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I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
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You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.
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the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.
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Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.
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Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
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Children make your life important.
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When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty just adding water. Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
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Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth.
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Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
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Myths that need clarification: No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears. False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.
Erma Bombeck