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Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Later
Cents
Food
Served
Maybe
Rejects
Child
Soft
Hours
Fifty
Two
Hot
Buns
Home
Six
Mustard
Children
Dog
Reject

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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
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Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.
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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
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Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!
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It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, I told you so.
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I'm real ambivalent about [working mothers]. Those of use who have been in the women's movement for a long time know that we've talked a good game of go out and fulfill your dreams and be everything you were meant to be. But by the same token, we want daughters-in-law who are going to stay home and raise our grandchildren.
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Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.
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There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.
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Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
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There was a time when the respect and trust my children had for me would have made you sick to your stomach. They believed I could blow on a red traffic light and turn it green.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.
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Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down. ... If and when he returns to earth, he notices half of the room is paging the other half and a few are playing with the melted candles.
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I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.
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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.
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