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Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Later
Cents
Food
Served
Maybe
Rejects
Child
Soft
Hours
Fifty
Two
Hot
Buns
Home
Six
Mustard
Children
Dog
Reject

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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
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Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.
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I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.
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The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, Could I get you your check? and we answered, How about the menu first?
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I'm real ambivalent about [working mothers]. Those of use who have been in the women's movement for a long time know that we've talked a good game of go out and fulfill your dreams and be everything you were meant to be. But by the same token, we want daughters-in-law who are going to stay home and raise our grandchildren.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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Motherhood isn't just a series of contractions it's a state of mind. From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility to protect and defend that human being.
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On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.
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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
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I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
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A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel.
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You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.
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My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!
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I was leafing through a magazine where there was a before-and-after picture of a woman who went from a size 5 to a size 3 by liposuction. Was she serious? I've cooked bigger turkeys than her before picture.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.
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It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.
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