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I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Vegetarian
Chains
Fight
Food
Fighting
Didn
Way
Bumper
Chain

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There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
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Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.
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Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script.
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I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.
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With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.
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No One Diets on Thanksgiving.
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I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.
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Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest.
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.
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A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.
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