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I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Way
Bumper
Chain
Vegetarian
Chains
Fight
Food
Fighting
Didn

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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.
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Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
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I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, I told you so.
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Explain to me how he [her son] can ride a bicycle, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim and race for eight hours ... and has to be driven to the garbage can.
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I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.
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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
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When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'
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There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
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Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.
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Do I have to use my own money?
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Written on her tombstone: I told you I was sick.
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Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!
Erma Bombeck