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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Children
Going
Mind
Never
Punishing
Saying
Stop

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
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Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.
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Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.
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I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.
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Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
Erma Bombeck
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
Erma Bombeck
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With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.
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. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live it - and never give it back.
Erma Bombeck
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No One Diets on Thanksgiving.
Erma Bombeck
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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
Erma Bombeck
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I used everything you gave me.
Erma Bombeck
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Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.
Erma Bombeck
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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'
Erma Bombeck
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
Erma Bombeck
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To say, Well, I write when I really get into it is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at it a long time, get snowblindness if you have to, but write something.
Erma Bombeck