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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Parent
Rivalry
Never
Sibling
Sister
Weren
Engaged
Parents
Crazy
Either

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Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.
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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
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Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.
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There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.
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the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.
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Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.
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Written on her tombstone: I told you I was sick.
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You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see ... we listen, but never hear ... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
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Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.
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When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
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With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.
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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
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I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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