Quote

Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Used
Phones
Persons
Number
Elevator
Able
Office
Elevators
Person
Numbers
Telephones
Call
Recording
Wrong
Talked
Everyone
Bank
School
Humorous

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When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
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Myths that need clarification: Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach. False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from Arizona, Utah, and Nevada who own condos.
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.
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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
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Myths that need clarification: No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears. False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.
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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
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The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.
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You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.
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Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.
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Do I have to use my own money?
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.
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House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.
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One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.
Erma Bombeck
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Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!
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