Quote

Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Wrong
Talked
Everyone
Bank
School
Humorous
Used
Phones
Persons
Number
Elevator
Able
Office
Elevators
Person
Numbers
Telephones
Call
Recording

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.
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You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
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My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
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A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
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Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed? Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother? Wasn't there any change?
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest.
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What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
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I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.
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Children make your life important.
Erma Bombeck
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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I read one psychologist's theory that said, Never strike a child in your anger. When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he's recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
Erma Bombeck
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
Erma Bombeck
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Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.
Erma Bombeck