Quote

Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Person
Numbers
Telephones
Call
Recording
Wrong
Talked
Everyone
Bank
School
Humorous
Used
Phones
Persons
Number
Elevator
Able
Office
Elevators

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Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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Do I have to use my own money?
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Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
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Myths that need clarification: No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears. False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.
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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.
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I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.
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Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script.
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Children make your life important.
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Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.
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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
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You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.
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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
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. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live it - and never give it back.
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I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.
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