Quote

It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Mean
Ludicrous
Translated
Vary
Boxes
Disclaimer
Direction
Disclaimers
Food
Microwave
Read
Microwaves
Means
Loosely

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One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
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Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.
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I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying Open! was never a big deal, but holding that television tuner and realizing I alone control what is flashed on the screen brings out the Iacocca in me.
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I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.
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not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
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It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
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When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.
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Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.
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When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.
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