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It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Like
Obesity
Furniture
Fats
Theory
Move
Funny
Moving
Around

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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
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Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.
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The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.
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I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest.
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My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!
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Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
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What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
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Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.
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not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.
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The more I think about it, the more there is to be said for the sloth. He sleeps fifteen to eighteen hours a day and is known to have taken forty-eight days to travel four miles. He hangs in the trees after he's dead. But he lives longer than the cheetah.
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My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
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For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
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You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
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the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.
Erma Bombeck
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see ... we listen, but never hear ... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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