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It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Like
Obesity
Furniture
Fats
Theory
Move
Funny
Moving
Around

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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
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I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue the cat ... yet cannot walk down the hallway without grabbing both walls with his grubby hands for balance.
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Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.
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I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.
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Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.
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There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
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Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.
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Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
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. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live it - and never give it back.
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not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.
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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
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With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.
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Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
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I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.
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