Quote

It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.

Erma Bombeck

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Mines
Mine
Marriage
Wonderful
Funny
Would
Wedding

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

Image
House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
Erma Bombeck
Image
I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Kids are without a doubt the most suspicious diners in the world. They will eat mud (raw or baked) rocks, paste, crayons, ball-point pens, moving goldfish, cigarette butts, and cat food. Try to coax a little beef stew into their mouths and they look at you like a puppy when you stand over him with the Sunday paper rolled up.
Erma Bombeck
Image
When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty just adding water. Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.
Erma Bombeck
Image
I used everything you gave me.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.
Erma Bombeck
Image
I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.
Erma Bombeck
Image
I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
Erma Bombeck
Image
The more I think about it, the more there is to be said for the sloth. He sleeps fifteen to eighteen hours a day and is known to have taken forty-eight days to travel four miles. He hangs in the trees after he's dead. But he lives longer than the cheetah.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down. ... If and when he returns to earth, he notices half of the room is paging the other half and a few are playing with the melted candles.
Erma Bombeck
Image
I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
Erma Bombeck
Image
When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
Erma Bombeck
Image
My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!
Erma Bombeck
Image
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
Erma Bombeck
Image
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Never order food in excess of your body weight.
Erma Bombeck
Image
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
Erma Bombeck
Image
You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
Erma Bombeck