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Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Humans
Computer
Good
Among
Time
Humor
Told
Imagination
Funny
Camps
Kids
Sent
Human
Species

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not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
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When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
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Kids are without a doubt the most suspicious diners in the world. They will eat mud (raw or baked) rocks, paste, crayons, ball-point pens, moving goldfish, cigarette butts, and cat food. Try to coax a little beef stew into their mouths and they look at you like a puppy when you stand over him with the Sunday paper rolled up.
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Children make your life important.
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I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, I told you so.
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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
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Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.
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I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.
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Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.
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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
Erma Bombeck
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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
Erma Bombeck
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All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.
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I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.
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