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With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Stand
Path
Right
Always
Hurricane
Hurricanes
Boys

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel.
Erma Bombeck
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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
Erma Bombeck
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
Erma Bombeck
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I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
Erma Bombeck
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I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying Open! was never a big deal, but holding that television tuner and realizing I alone control what is flashed on the screen brings out the Iacocca in me.
Erma Bombeck
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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
Erma Bombeck
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All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.
Erma Bombeck
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Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.
Erma Bombeck
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Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.
Erma Bombeck
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
Erma Bombeck
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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
Erma Bombeck
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I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors.
Erma Bombeck
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Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
Erma Bombeck
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Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed? Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother? Wasn't there any change?
Erma Bombeck
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
Erma Bombeck
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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
Erma Bombeck
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the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.
Erma Bombeck
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Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.
Erma Bombeck
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Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.
Erma Bombeck
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I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.
Erma Bombeck