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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Invited
Dinner
Friends
Even
Sofa
Would
Stained
Sofas
Faded
Carpet

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You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
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I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.
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I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.
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I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.
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Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.
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I lost everything in the post-natal depression.
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
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Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.
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Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.
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the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.
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