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Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Poached
Eggs
Animals
Animal
Good

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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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I lost everything in the post-natal depression.
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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.
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When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty just adding water. Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.
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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
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I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors.
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
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Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.
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The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, Could I get you your check? and we answered, How about the menu first?
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Never order food in excess of your body weight.
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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
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I was leafing through a magazine where there was a before-and-after picture of a woman who went from a size 5 to a size 3 by liposuction. Was she serious? I've cooked bigger turkeys than her before picture.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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