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Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Poached
Eggs
Animals
Animal
Good

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All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.
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You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.
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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
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Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.
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There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'
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There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.
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I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
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Our teen-agers withdrew to their bedrooms on their thirteenth birthday and didn't show themselves to us again until it was time to get married.
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Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.
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With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.
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Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.
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Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
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I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.
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The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms. . . and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.
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Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.
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