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Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Animals
Animal
Good
Poached
Eggs

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To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.
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Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.
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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
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With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.
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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
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If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
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I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.
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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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I'm real ambivalent about [working mothers]. Those of use who have been in the women's movement for a long time know that we've talked a good game of go out and fulfill your dreams and be everything you were meant to be. But by the same token, we want daughters-in-law who are going to stay home and raise our grandchildren.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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Explain to me how he [her son] can ride a bicycle, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim and race for eight hours ... and has to be driven to the garbage can.
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It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.
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Children make your life important.
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