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Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Poached
Eggs
Animals
Animal
Good

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I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.
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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
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My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.
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I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.
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There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.
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For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.
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the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
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I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.
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With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
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Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
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She's as funny as a toothache
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.
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