Quote

When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Morning
Door
Portraits
Hours
Keys
Cracks
Turns
Later
Nose
Like
Doors
Noses
Humor
Stick
Poodles
Leave
Sticks
Canine
Turn
Eight
Portrait
Stand
Dog
Crack

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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
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Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.
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Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.
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Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see ... we listen, but never hear ... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
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You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.
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There is only one thing harder in this world than forgiving. It's to ask forgiveness armed only with, 'I'm sorry'.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.
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Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League.
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My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'
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Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down. ... If and when he returns to earth, he notices half of the room is paging the other half and a few are playing with the melted candles.
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.
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