Quote

When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Hours
Keys
Cracks
Turns
Later
Nose
Like
Doors
Noses
Humor
Stick
Poodles
Leave
Sticks
Canine
Turn
Eight
Portrait
Stand
Dog
Crack
Morning
Door
Portraits

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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.
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Children make your life important.
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To say, Well, I write when I really get into it is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at it a long time, get snowblindness if you have to, but write something.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue the cat ... yet cannot walk down the hallway without grabbing both walls with his grubby hands for balance.
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
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A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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She's as funny as a toothache
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You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.
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It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.
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