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I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Skis
Skiing
Participate
Hill
Hills
Sport
Ambulances
Bottom
Skiers
Sports
Ambulance

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Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.
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I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.
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Myths that need clarification: Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach. False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from Arizona, Utah, and Nevada who own condos.
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
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Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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Children make your life important.
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
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I used everything you gave me.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.
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I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.
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Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer.
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Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.
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