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I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Hills
Sport
Ambulances
Bottom
Skiers
Sports
Ambulance
Skis
Skiing
Participate
Hill

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There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness, and exhaustion can take the Christmas out of the child, but you cannot take the child out of Christmas.
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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
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For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.
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Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.
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Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
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The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, Could I get you your check? and we answered, How about the menu first?
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I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
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There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
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You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.
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Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
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