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I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Skiing
Participate
Hill
Hills
Sport
Ambulances
Bottom
Skiers
Sports
Ambulance
Skis

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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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I was leafing through a magazine where there was a before-and-after picture of a woman who went from a size 5 to a size 3 by liposuction. Was she serious? I've cooked bigger turkeys than her before picture.
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
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One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.
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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
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Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
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She's as funny as a toothache
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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
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Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.
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I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors.
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My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!
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Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.
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