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You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.
Erma Bombeck
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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Kids
Become
Blender
Home
Blenders
Look
Exciting
Come
Anybody
Looks
Food
Children
Asks
Eye
More quotes by Erma Bombeck
Our teen-agers withdrew to their bedrooms on their thirteenth birthday and didn't show themselves to us again until it was time to get married.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.
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I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.
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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
Erma Bombeck
Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
Erma Bombeck
Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.
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Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.
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I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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Myths that need clarification: No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears. False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.
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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.
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Written on her tombstone: I told you I was sick.
Erma Bombeck
When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
Erma Bombeck
My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!
Erma Bombeck
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
Erma Bombeck
