Quote

You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Home
Blenders
Look
Exciting
Come
Anybody
Looks
Food
Children
Asks
Eye
Kids
Become
Blender

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Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.
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There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
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I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.
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The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, Could I get you your check? and we answered, How about the menu first?
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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
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Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
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There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness, and exhaustion can take the Christmas out of the child, but you cannot take the child out of Christmas.
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I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
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I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
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