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You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Look
Exciting
Come
Anybody
Looks
Food
Children
Asks
Eye
Kids
Become
Blender
Home
Blenders

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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I read one psychologist's theory that said, Never strike a child in your anger. When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he's recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.
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There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.
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Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.
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It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.
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Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.
Erma Bombeck
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
Erma Bombeck
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I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.
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Kids are without a doubt the most suspicious diners in the world. They will eat mud (raw or baked) rocks, paste, crayons, ball-point pens, moving goldfish, cigarette butts, and cat food. Try to coax a little beef stew into their mouths and they look at you like a puppy when you stand over him with the Sunday paper rolled up.
Erma Bombeck
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
Erma Bombeck
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What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
Erma Bombeck
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To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.
Erma Bombeck
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
Erma Bombeck
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
Erma Bombeck
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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
Erma Bombeck
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Explain to me how he [her son] can ride a bicycle, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim and race for eight hours ... and has to be driven to the garbage can.
Erma Bombeck
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
Erma Bombeck
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Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.
Erma Bombeck
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I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.
Erma Bombeck
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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'
Erma Bombeck