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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Glance
Glances
Cleaning
Household
Housekeeping
Room
Chores
Rooms
Housework
Idea
Sweep
Ideas
Sweeping

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Some say the antique syndrome surfaced to offset the newness of the land, the homes, and the settlers. Some say the interest was initiated by a desire to return to the roots of yesterday. I contend the entire movement to acquire antiques was born out of sheer respect of things that lasted longer than fifteen minutes.
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She's as funny as a toothache
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It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
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Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.
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If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
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Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
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I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors.
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I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.
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There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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Explain to me how he [her son] can ride a bicycle, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim and race for eight hours ... and has to be driven to the garbage can.
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