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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Cleaning
Household
Housekeeping
Room
Chores
Rooms
Housework
Idea
Sweep
Ideas
Sweeping
Glance
Glances

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She's as funny as a toothache
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.
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Explain to me how he [her son] can ride a bicycle, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim and race for eight hours ... and has to be driven to the garbage can.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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I used everything you gave me.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
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Some say the antique syndrome surfaced to offset the newness of the land, the homes, and the settlers. Some say the interest was initiated by a desire to return to the roots of yesterday. I contend the entire movement to acquire antiques was born out of sheer respect of things that lasted longer than fifteen minutes.
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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
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I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.
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I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.
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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script.
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Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
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