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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Ideas
Sweeping
Glance
Glances
Cleaning
Household
Housekeeping
Room
Chores
Rooms
Housework
Idea
Sweep

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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
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I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.
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When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.
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the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest.
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It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
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I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.
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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
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Do I have to use my own money?
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Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed? Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother? Wasn't there any change?
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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Never order food in excess of your body weight.
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