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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Always
Septic
Greener
Tank
Tanks
Grass

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
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Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.
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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
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There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
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With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.
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Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.
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When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty just adding water. Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.
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You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
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On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.
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My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.
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I used everything you gave me.
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When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
Erma Bombeck
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What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
Erma Bombeck
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I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.
Erma Bombeck
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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
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I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.
Erma Bombeck