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No One Diets on Thanksgiving.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Diets
Thanksgiving

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With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.
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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
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It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
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Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
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One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.
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The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.
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I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.
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What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
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When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty just adding water. Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.
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I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors.
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Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
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