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No One Diets on Thanksgiving.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Thanksgiving
Diets

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Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.
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Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, Some Americans say it tastes like chicken.
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I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.
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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
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Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.
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What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
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When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
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Explain to me how he [her son] can ride a bicycle, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim and race for eight hours ... and has to be driven to the garbage can.
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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