Quote

Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Tree
Gifts
Culminated
Name
Christmas
Shrimp
Names
Began
Forks
Simple
Six
Screw
Woman
Delight
Drew
Around
Surprise
Screws
Take
Adults
Presentation
Children
Dog
Holiday

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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
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One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.
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I used everything you gave me.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
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I'm real ambivalent about [working mothers]. Those of use who have been in the women's movement for a long time know that we've talked a good game of go out and fulfill your dreams and be everything you were meant to be. But by the same token, we want daughters-in-law who are going to stay home and raise our grandchildren.
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
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When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!
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Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!
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One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.
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Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer.
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
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I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
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Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down. ... If and when he returns to earth, he notices half of the room is paging the other half and a few are playing with the melted candles.
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