Quote

Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Simple
Six
Screw
Woman
Delight
Drew
Around
Surprise
Screws
Take
Adults
Presentation
Children
Dog
Holiday
Tree
Gifts
Culminated
Name
Christmas
Shrimp
Names
Began
Forks

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Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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Children make your life important.
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
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I read one psychologist's theory that said, Never strike a child in your anger. When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he's recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
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It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.
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I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.
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Why take pride in cooking, when they don't take pride in eating?
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Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.
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Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
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I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.
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