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You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Aren
Dying
Hear
American
Family
Conglomerates
Bigs
Merging
Death
Dialogue
Families

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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest.
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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
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Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.
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My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'
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I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.
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not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.
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Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, Some Americans say it tastes like chicken.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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I used everything you gave me.
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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
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I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.
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With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.
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