Quote

I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Needs
Kitchen
Accessory
Empty
Gin
Struggle
Outfits
Seen
Accessories
Morning
Bottle
Inspirational
Teenage
Kids
Bottles
Need
Teenager

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Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
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I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
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Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
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Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.
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I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.
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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
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When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
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Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.
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House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.
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Myths that need clarification: No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears. False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.
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With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.
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Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.
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There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness, and exhaustion can take the Christmas out of the child, but you cannot take the child out of Christmas.
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I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, I told you so.
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A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel.
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