Quote

I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Needs
Kitchen
Accessory
Empty
Gin
Struggle
Outfits
Seen
Accessories
Morning
Bottle
Inspirational
Teenage
Kids
Bottles
Need
Teenager

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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel.
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There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness, and exhaustion can take the Christmas out of the child, but you cannot take the child out of Christmas.
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You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
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With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.
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Do I have to use my own money?
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When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
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Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.
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Myths that need clarification: No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears. False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
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I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.
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With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.
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The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms. . . and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.
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If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
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