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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
College
Chores
Seen
Housework
Didn
Bowl
Ever
Bowls
Nfl
Rose
Clean
Football
Housekeeping

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She's as funny as a toothache
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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To say, Well, I write when I really get into it is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at it a long time, get snowblindness if you have to, but write something.
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I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.
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I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
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Do I have to use my own money?
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Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.
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It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.
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Why take pride in cooking, when they don't take pride in eating?
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Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
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I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.
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Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.
Erma Bombeck