Quote

Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.

Erma Bombeck

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Gives
Mothers
Least
Memorable
Mother
Shot
Respective
Giving
Decide
Flu
Men
Shots
Certificate
Gift
Certificates
Spend
Dump
Marriage
Motherhood

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

Image
I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.
Erma Bombeck
Image
The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms. . . and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.
Erma Bombeck
Image
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.
Erma Bombeck
Image
I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue the cat ... yet cannot walk down the hallway without grabbing both walls with his grubby hands for balance.
Erma Bombeck
Image
When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
Erma Bombeck
Image
I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
Erma Bombeck
Image
My mother phones daily to ask, Did you just try to reach me? When I reply no, she adds, So, if you're not too busy, call me while I'm still alive, . . . and hangs up.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.
Erma Bombeck
Image
House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Kids are without a doubt the most suspicious diners in the world. They will eat mud (raw or baked) rocks, paste, crayons, ball-point pens, moving goldfish, cigarette butts, and cat food. Try to coax a little beef stew into their mouths and they look at you like a puppy when you stand over him with the Sunday paper rolled up.
Erma Bombeck
Image
If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Do I have to use my own money?
Erma Bombeck
Image
Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
Erma Bombeck
Image
Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League.
Erma Bombeck
Image
You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.
Erma Bombeck
Image
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Erma Bombeck