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Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Gives
Mothers
Least
Memorable
Shot
Respective
Mother
Decide
Flu
Giving
Shots
Certificate
Men
Gift
Certificates
Spend
Dump
Marriage
Motherhood

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.
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Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.
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It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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Motherhood isn't just a series of contractions it's a state of mind. From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility to protect and defend that human being.
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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.
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You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
Erma Bombeck
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Our teen-agers withdrew to their bedrooms on their thirteenth birthday and didn't show themselves to us again until it was time to get married.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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