Quote

The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, Could I get you your check? and we answered, How about the menu first?

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Food
Restaurants
Menus
Age
Checks
Waiter
Kids
Canada
Restaurant
Firsts
Factors
Answered
First
Cooking
Served
Children
Quickly
Factor
Keys
Culinary
Baby
Check
Menu

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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
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On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.
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Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.
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Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
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I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying Open! was never a big deal, but holding that television tuner and realizing I alone control what is flashed on the screen brings out the Iacocca in me.
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I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.
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Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
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Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
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It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.
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Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
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My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
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Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.
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One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.
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