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The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, Could I get you your check? and we answered, How about the menu first?

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Age
Checks
Waiter
Kids
Canada
Restaurant
Firsts
Factors
Answered
First
Cooking
Served
Children
Quickly
Factor
Keys
Culinary
Baby
Check
Menu
Food
Restaurants
Menus

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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see ... we listen, but never hear ... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.
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I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors.
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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
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Our teen-agers withdrew to their bedrooms on their thirteenth birthday and didn't show themselves to us again until it was time to get married.
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Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.
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not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.
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Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
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Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.
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Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.
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A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.
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When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem.
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