Quote

The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, Could I get you your check? and we answered, How about the menu first?

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Keys
Culinary
Baby
Check
Menu
Food
Restaurants
Menus
Age
Checks
Waiter
Kids
Canada
Restaurant
Firsts
Factors
Answered
First
Cooking
Served
Children
Quickly
Factor

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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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Why take pride in cooking, when they don't take pride in eating?
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If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
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My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
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I'm real ambivalent about [working mothers]. Those of use who have been in the women's movement for a long time know that we've talked a good game of go out and fulfill your dreams and be everything you were meant to be. But by the same token, we want daughters-in-law who are going to stay home and raise our grandchildren.
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No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.
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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
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Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
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The more I think about it, the more there is to be said for the sloth. He sleeps fifteen to eighteen hours a day and is known to have taken forty-eight days to travel four miles. He hangs in the trees after he's dead. But he lives longer than the cheetah.
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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
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the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.
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When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
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Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.
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On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.
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