Quote

The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, Could I get you your check? and we answered, How about the menu first?

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Baby
Check
Menu
Food
Restaurants
Menus
Age
Checks
Waiter
Kids
Canada
Restaurant
Firsts
Factors
Answered
First
Cooking
Served
Children
Quickly
Factor
Keys
Culinary

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I was leafing through a magazine where there was a before-and-after picture of a woman who went from a size 5 to a size 3 by liposuction. Was she serious? I've cooked bigger turkeys than her before picture.
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I'm real ambivalent about [working mothers]. Those of use who have been in the women's movement for a long time know that we've talked a good game of go out and fulfill your dreams and be everything you were meant to be. But by the same token, we want daughters-in-law who are going to stay home and raise our grandchildren.
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Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.
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I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, I told you so.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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Some say the antique syndrome surfaced to offset the newness of the land, the homes, and the settlers. Some say the interest was initiated by a desire to return to the roots of yesterday. I contend the entire movement to acquire antiques was born out of sheer respect of things that lasted longer than fifteen minutes.
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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
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Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
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Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
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I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.
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I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.
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It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.
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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
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Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
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