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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Humans
Compassion
Volunteers
Love
Nation
Unselfish
Nations
Volunteer
Face
Plain
Faces
Reflect
Another
Caring
Earth
Patience
Human
Beings

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Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.
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Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
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All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
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Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.
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Do I have to use my own money?
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
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When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty just adding water. Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
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A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.
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My mother phones daily to ask, Did you just try to reach me? When I reply no, she adds, So, if you're not too busy, call me while I'm still alive, . . . and hangs up.
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The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, Could I get you your check? and we answered, How about the menu first?
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
Erma Bombeck
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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
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Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!
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