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A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Aging
Anywhere
Accept
Accepting
Age
Grandparent
Collect
Calls

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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
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Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
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It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
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No One Diets on Thanksgiving.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
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Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script.
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With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.
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If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
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Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.
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I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.
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There is only one thing harder in this world than forgiving. It's to ask forgiveness armed only with, 'I'm sorry'.
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I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
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the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.
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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
Erma Bombeck