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I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Travel
Paid
Night
Much
Like
Sink
Shaped
Throw

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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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I read one psychologist's theory that said, Never strike a child in your anger. When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he's recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.
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. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live it - and never give it back.
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I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
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Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
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To say, Well, I write when I really get into it is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at it a long time, get snowblindness if you have to, but write something.
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.
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When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.
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I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, I told you so.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
Erma Bombeck