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What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Else
Thanksgiving
Mean
Diets
Really
Aside
Would
Fourth
Food
Wishbones
Wonderful
Thursday
Call
Turkeys
Talking
November

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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.
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Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.
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One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.
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If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
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I used everything you gave me.
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I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.
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You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.
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If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
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I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.
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Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
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A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.
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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
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The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.
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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
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Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.
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Do I have to use my own money?
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