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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Look
Memory
Looks
Memories
Good
Maybe
Think
Eyes
Thinking
Getting
Age
Kinder
Eye
Rotten
Stuff
Excuse

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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel.
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A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
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My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'
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the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.
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I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying Open! was never a big deal, but holding that television tuner and realizing I alone control what is flashed on the screen brings out the Iacocca in me.
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Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
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The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, Could I get you your check? and we answered, How about the menu first?
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To say, Well, I write when I really get into it is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at it a long time, get snowblindness if you have to, but write something.
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Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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Myths that need clarification: No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears. False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.
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