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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
Erma Bombeck
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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Think
Eyes
Thinking
Getting
Age
Kinder
Eye
Rotten
Stuff
Excuse
Look
Memory
Looks
Memories
Good
Maybe
More quotes by Erma Bombeck
not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.
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Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
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When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty just adding water. Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.
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The more I think about it, the more there is to be said for the sloth. He sleeps fifteen to eighteen hours a day and is known to have taken forty-eight days to travel four miles. He hangs in the trees after he's dead. But he lives longer than the cheetah.
Erma Bombeck
Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.
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To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.
Erma Bombeck
A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.
Erma Bombeck
There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
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If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
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Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
Erma Bombeck
My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.
Erma Bombeck