Quote

I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Two
Thirty
Light
Baby
Always
Stand
Things
Five
Never
Age
Woman
Natural
Felt

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Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.
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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
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When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
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Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.
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You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.
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I read one psychologist's theory that said, Never strike a child in your anger. When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he's recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.
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One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.
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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
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Do I have to use my own money?
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There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.
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Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.
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Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
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Never order food in excess of your body weight.
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I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying Open! was never a big deal, but holding that television tuner and realizing I alone control what is flashed on the screen brings out the Iacocca in me.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms. . . and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.
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