Quote

Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Ideas
Turn
Many
Takes
Children
Turns
Idea
Three
Didn
Two
Light
Kitchen

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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.
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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'
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I'm real ambivalent about [working mothers]. Those of use who have been in the women's movement for a long time know that we've talked a good game of go out and fulfill your dreams and be everything you were meant to be. But by the same token, we want daughters-in-law who are going to stay home and raise our grandchildren.
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Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
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My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.
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Children make your life important.
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Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.
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All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
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Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down. ... If and when he returns to earth, he notices half of the room is paging the other half and a few are playing with the melted candles.
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