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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Three
Didn
Two
Light
Kitchen
Ideas
Turn
Many
Takes
Children
Turns
Idea

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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
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I'm real ambivalent about [working mothers]. Those of use who have been in the women's movement for a long time know that we've talked a good game of go out and fulfill your dreams and be everything you were meant to be. But by the same token, we want daughters-in-law who are going to stay home and raise our grandchildren.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
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Myths that need clarification: No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears. False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue the cat ... yet cannot walk down the hallway without grabbing both walls with his grubby hands for balance.
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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
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I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying Open! was never a big deal, but holding that television tuner and realizing I alone control what is flashed on the screen brings out the Iacocca in me.
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There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness, and exhaustion can take the Christmas out of the child, but you cannot take the child out of Christmas.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.
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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
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All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.
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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
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Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth.
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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
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