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Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, Some Americans say it tastes like chicken.
Erma Bombeck
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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Americans
Beware
Taste
Tastes
Food
Chicken
Anything
Described
Years
Chickens
Never
Throughout
Like
Rules
Eating
Pronounce
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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
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When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem.
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Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.
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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
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When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.
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You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
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You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.
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I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, I told you so.
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I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.
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When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty just adding water. Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.
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