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She's as funny as a toothache

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Toothache
Funny

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer.
Erma Bombeck
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Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.
Erma Bombeck
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I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
Erma Bombeck
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Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.
Erma Bombeck
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For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.
Erma Bombeck
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It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
Erma Bombeck
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No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.
Erma Bombeck
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I used everything you gave me.
Erma Bombeck
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I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, I told you so.
Erma Bombeck
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
Erma Bombeck
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I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.
Erma Bombeck
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I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.
Erma Bombeck
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The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms. . . and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.
Erma Bombeck
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I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue the cat ... yet cannot walk down the hallway without grabbing both walls with his grubby hands for balance.
Erma Bombeck
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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
Erma Bombeck
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
Erma Bombeck
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To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.
Erma Bombeck
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see ... we listen, but never hear ... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
Erma Bombeck
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Do I have to use my own money?
Erma Bombeck
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When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
Erma Bombeck