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She's as funny as a toothache

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Toothache
Funny

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.
Erma Bombeck
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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
Erma Bombeck
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
Erma Bombeck
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Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.
Erma Bombeck
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To say, Well, I write when I really get into it is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at it a long time, get snowblindness if you have to, but write something.
Erma Bombeck
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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
Erma Bombeck
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
Erma Bombeck
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You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.
Erma Bombeck
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
Erma Bombeck
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
Erma Bombeck
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There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.
Erma Bombeck
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You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.
Erma Bombeck
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
Erma Bombeck
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
Erma Bombeck
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Our teen-agers withdrew to their bedrooms on their thirteenth birthday and didn't show themselves to us again until it was time to get married.
Erma Bombeck
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Motherhood isn't just a series of contractions it's a state of mind. From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility to protect and defend that human being.
Erma Bombeck
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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
Erma Bombeck
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When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem.
Erma Bombeck
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I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.
Erma Bombeck
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Children make your life important.
Erma Bombeck